Relationships Are Easy ? Fight Or Flight


All of my life I have been told how much “work” relationships are. That it’s constant compromise and doubts. I even once dated a guy that SWORE it was impossible to be faithful in a relationship. It wasn’t my finest moment, I’ll admit.  Actually, that moment lasted more like 4 years of constant back and forth in and out of “love”.  It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I started to revise my perspective on relationships. Up until now, everyone was right. Relationships were hard, it was constant compromise and mainly on my part. There were couples counselors, advice from peers and even older father figures in my life that tended to pipe in on the situation.

Years and  years past in this same fashion and all the while I knew that it was “worth it”. Every time, I was just sure that this one would be worth all the trouble, all the long arguments and all tears. This one I would stick it out with and eventually we’d live happily ever after. Then one day, after my last messy break up, that ended in a restraining order, it occurred to me that in fact everyone was wrong. I suddenly had this amazing epiphany that not only was everyone wrong, but they were all in with the wrong person! I’m convinced this is why our divorce rate remains so high. If you’re with the wrong person, then so are they and you’re both depriving the right person of being with either of you and therefore they are in fact also with the wrong person! I actually spoke this aloud and ran out of breath before I reached the last person. Who started this vicious rumor that then started this vicious cycle?

Could it be the religious groups with their sexual guilt and repression? Perhaps, they were all getting married to warrant sex and by then it was too late to get out. Because you know god won’t love them anymore and all that drama. Perhaps it was the psychologist conspiring against the concept of love in order to continuously be needed by those with wounded childhoods recalling having experienced first hand two people not meant for each other. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that human beings are convinced that in order to give and receive love you and they must suffer.

It’s been drilled into us so badly, that sometimes we do in fact find the right person, the yin to our yang and we begin to question it. We think to ourselves “where is the spark? Where is the excitement?” All of our romantic comedies and even the fairy tales we’ve grown up with teach us that the road to love is a long and dramatic one. That only with terrible pain and experiences will we find our happily ever after.  I like to blame all the Disney Princesses for my love mishaps.

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The truth is, relationships are actually pretty easy. They are fun and exciting even when you’re just doing the boring stuff. When you’re with the right person, they just flow naturally with all the vibrancy and energy of a perfectly working river. However, in the beginning of every relationship there is that pivotal moment of  drama. That moment that we all dread that we all create because of the crap we’ve been fed all our lives. It’s in that moment when you need to ask yourself “has it been easy so far”? I think this is the most important thing you can ask yourself honestly in this moment. When it seems everything is falling apart and the relationship could be ending, the only way to know if this is TV and society influenced necessary drama, is to ask how easy it’s been so far.

Do you struggle to find common ground? Does your sex life really suck? Do you really have to try to get through a day without arguing? It might be time to let go. Don’t be afraid of letting go. The woman down the street that’s been single for the last 10 years with 50 cats has made that choice. Maybe she picked wrong one too many times or maybe her right person is still with the wrong person. On behalf of all the crazy cat ladies and drunken fools please for the love of love, stop being with the wrong person. It just is not that hard. So, stop listening to your miserable parents or your miserable married friends and remind yourself that relationships are easy. When they are right, they are easy.

So, ask yourself….Is it time to fight or flight?

Because as it turns out, you CAN fit a round peg into a square hole, but why bother?

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