Telling The Truth… It’s Ok


Lately I find myself telling the truth a lot more about myself. It’s as if something switched in me and suddenly I really have no shame about who I am. Including, who I was and who I am trying to be. Granted, some of these conversation have been flowing from wine and totally nonjudgmental company, but still. As I prepare to launch my woman’s empowerment “movement” where I plan to teach other woman how to become and continue to be empowered. I guess I reached a point when I decided that sometimes, you have to tell the truth. You have to get down to the nitty-gritty with people and let them see the downright ugly scary truth about you. Because the truth is that none of us is perfect and we’ve all made mistakes. I can’t put myself in front of a bunch of women and tell them I can empower them without letting them in on the fact that I myself have been where they have been. I’ve drank myself into black outs over waiting on a TXT from a guy. I’ve talked myself out of jobs I felt I didn’t deserve. I lived in bad neighborhoods, I’ve been robbed and maced and jumped and left to die.

I think it’s important that we tell someone the truth. I think it’s important that someone hears you say all of it. Someone that you feel safe with and know that will love you no matter what. Because before we can move forward to being empowered we have to truly understand how we got where we were before and understand how to get to where we are going now. Everything matters. People will say that actions speak louder than words, well that may be true, but people haven’t always had to figure out how to pay rent or try to feed their children after losing their job. See, the thing is we all love to sit up here on our pedestal and talk down to all the minions below us. Spewing out judgment on their life choices and what I like to call “Life Forces” because I don’t care what anyone thinks, there will be a time in your life when you don’t have a choice. Life will force you to your knees and you’re going to have to put on your big girl panties and do whatever life says. However, there is a way out and it can be taught. When you’re ready to learn, it will come to you in the form it speaks most to you depending on your situation, but you have to be ready. You have to be ready to be honest.

In the meantime, I mean, fuck it, try to let that shit go. Ultimately, we are all going to end up bug food 6 feet under once life is done with our physical body. Now, maybe you believe in some kind of after life, personally I believe our energy lives on, but just not in a physical form. Scientifically, everything is energy and everything and everyone is the same no matter what bad choices that key board made in its life, it’s no better or worse than you are. Think about that for a moment, maybe with a glass of wine. If you believe that someone will judge you in your new form once you’ve left this one, well even then there is room for forgiveness as I understand. So, basically what I am getting at is, I feel like I need to be totally honest with myself and with others if this is going to work. This being, empowering other women. So, perhaps that is why I find myself launching my truths onto complete strangers, or maybe it actually was the wine. Although, I still find myself letting go of these truths, completely freaking out inside and then realizing that the world continued to spin after. Not only did the world continue to spin, but someone else in it felt just a little less judged and a little less guilty of their own “shit”. Here is the truth, everyone, I mean everyone, has their own shit. We have so much pressure to be magazine perfect or leave it to Beaver accomplished, we hide ourselves.

We hide the parts that are “less than” the mistakes that are “not good enough”. We hide them and we burry them and we don’t talk about them, hoping one day maybe they will no longer be truths to us. The crazy thing is that while you may believe that “actions speak louder than words”, maybe you’ve never had to act the way someone else has because life hasn’t presented you the opportunity. Well, good for you. Aren’t you a self-righteous so and so? Judging someone from way up there on the “I’ve never had to make that personal choice” chair must feel good. Maybe the opportunity has presented itself and you did make the “right” choice, so you feel even more powerful in your “I have been there and I made a better choice than you” chair. Well, good for you. Aren’t you a self-righteous so and so? Remember that the “opportunity” looks different to all of us based on our own “shit”. So, the lines of right and wrong take on new meaning for us all.

I realized, maybe too late in life, that the moment I judged someone I became a hypocrite. More often than not, when I criticized someone else’ path, I found myself on that exact same path later in life. Well, aren’t I self-righteous so and so? Today, I know that we are doing the best we can in this crazy and all to often unforgiving place. So, as I cringe at some of the truths I’ve told lately, I also embraced them. Something made me brave. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was me getting ready to release my own shit so I can help other women release theirs. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was feeling close enough and secure enough to confide. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was coming to terms finally with who I am, and being totally OK, no, proud of that. It was probably the wine.

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Deep lessons Concealed


Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it – Echart Tolle 

I try not to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I try to take deep breaths mediate and send loving energy out to the world. I try to send loving energy to those that are not giving me the same respect. I’ve learned a few hard lessons over the past few months.

1.) When your mother told you to just “ignore it” when girls at school were being catty towards you and they would stop, she lied…. it didn’t work then. It still doesn’t work.

2.) You cannot jump into a friendship as an adult the same as you could as a child. You have to ease into the process and really get to know others true colors…. or you will find them out too late. 

3.) Some girls never grow out of catty, jealousy or revenge. You have to be the bigger person, even if you draw blood biting your tongue.

4.) Sometimes being the bigger person, get’s you into more hot water. While others are busy discussing you, and you’re refusing the discuss anything, I guess it’s human nature to listen to the one talking. Even if it’s ill intended. 

5.) Those that cannot make up their own minds, will allow others to make it up for them. Even with little or no evidence of the accusations. This is why our judicial system is so broken.

6.) If someone thinks something you’ve written, said or thought is about them…….they have a guilty conscience……………(A Good friend pointed this out to me the other day, wow so true!) 

7.) It’s OK To go on a totally negative rant on your otherwise ZEN blog when you’ve reached your wits end.

8.) It’s OK to decide someone isn’t a good fit in your life. You can still pick your friends even if you can’t pick their noses. Pick carefully or you might draw blood. 

9.)  I’ve always subscribed to quietly and gracefully exiting a relationship and I still will.

10.) When you’re getting married, you should be allowed to talk about it all the time. You should be able to complain about the 18 different dresses that were all wrong and every single annoying and ridiculous detail of it. Your friends should smile and nod and smile and nod until you have no more talking about wedding in you. You should be able to have little to nothing else to talk about until it’s all said and done.  It’s a right of passage as a good friend. We all have to do it and we should all secretly love it when we truly are a good friend. 

11.) Life is busy and complicated. All the time, it’s up to you to decide what is important to take up that time.

12.) At the end of the day you still have try not to focus on the negative aspects of your life. Try to take deep breaths mediate and send loving energy out to the world. Try to send loving energy to those that are not giving you the same respect. Learn a few hard lessons over the next couple of months.

The Power Of Release


There comes a time in your life when you need to just release things that bring you anxiety or stress. I’ve found so much inner peace and love over the past few years that I have just decided not to hang onto negative people, places, memories or things. I am releasing them. Sometimes in the form of writing, which in many cases has been unwelcome by some that do not understand it. However, I think that bringing to light and speaking aloud truth you’ve kept bottled for so long can be a great healer. When you begin to release things in any form, you will get great resistance from others. Especially, if you are speaking truth about things they’d like to hold onto and they will feel great discomfort with your choice to release.  People can take great pride in their secrets, and your releasing them threatens the identity they have created around these secrets. Some people cannot accept the power of release and choose instead to dwell in either denial or the comfort of their own perception. Unable to accept the experiences of others.

It simply cost too much to allow someone or something to make you feel physically ill or mentally drained. Life is much too short for those things. This is why I have been practicing the power of release. I’ve chosen to simply remove myself from those kinds of situations. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am cutting people out of my life, I am simply removing myself from the negative situation. I am not allowing my emotions to be affected by outside circumstances. In order to achieve that, I will simply refuse to participate in giving it power.  I have worked very hard on creating balance, abundance and peace in my life and cannot allow that to be disrupted by outside circumstances. I feel that those that know me best as a person, will have no questions as to my character or motives. Therefore, I need not defend either of those things because the people that choose to bring love into my life would never dream to question those things even during this process. As the like minded and loving people will accept my journey as I will accept theirs as a result.  When your motives or character are being questioned, I think you have to reevaluate the relationship or situation. Your spiritual and personal quest, which for me currently is healing with writing,  will either bring out the best in others, or the worst. This is when you will know what and whom to keep. No matter how long, or what it might disrupt, it might be time to draw back your focus. It’s so important to be surrounded by like minds, and to draw those interactions to you. If you continue to hold on to the situations or things that are not in line with your spiritual growth, you will come to a stand still. Overcome by the circumstances instead of continuing to create love, light and positive vibrations.

I don’t view this as some kind of a loss, I think that you’re gaining peace when you choose to release. When the only thing that comes from a relationship or a situation is stress and anxiety, it’s just not worth spending your precious peace and energy on. If something in your life is creating this inside you to the point that it’s affecting your well being, it’s time to release. Once you choose to release a situation it will resolve itself one way or another, but continuing to hold on will only bring more stress.

I am so blessed in my life to be continuously surrounded by amazing people and circumstances. I am thankful everyday for those things and I will continue to be thankful for people and situations that create balance and love in my soul. Many times our first reaction to negative is to respond defensively desperately trying to shed light on our side. I realize now that is unnecessary. When others intentions are that of love, respect and understanding in your life, they will create that towards you. If their intention is to create negative and unnecessary disruption on your life because of their own projections they will also create that towards you.

I love meeting new people and hearing their stories. The saying that some people, even family, are in your life for reason or just a season is so true. We are all here to learn from each other and to experience new things and grow! At some point, sometimes you stop growing. I know that within myself and the life I am choosing to create, I want my relationships that I choose in my life to continue to grow. They cannot do that when others are creating negative thoughts and reactions towards you.

My mother used to refer to these people as “emotional vampires”  because by the time you are finally ready to be released from them, you are completely drained. They are the ones that round up others and consume a situation like a giant black hole trying to suck as many people into the negative energy force as possible. This is because they are choosing not to release and the only way to continue to hold on to the negative being created is to gain the acceptance of others on their perspective. This feeds the “emotional vampire” because they can now latch onto someone else and continue to drain them with negative sucking. They will probably be greatly successful at this since as humans we’re much more naturally attached to the negative and dramatic roles in life. If others cannot see the light and beauty that you are projecting onto the world, they are simply not worthy to receive it. If they have chosen to perceive you or your actions as those that are not loving, then perhaps they have missed the point completely.

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Oops, I didn’t know I Couldn’t Talk About SEX…


Apparently, it’s still quite taboo in our society to talk about sex. This is rather news to me as I thought we were all past that, but apparently some still have some growing to do; possibly growing up? I’d like to say that if you were offended by my sex talk, you probably need to get laid, but recent reactions from my last post regarding sex makes me leery to do so.

Such fond memories as a child playing the “penis game”. A pointless display of child’s play where you try relentlessly and normally fruitlessly to embarrass your best friend by yelling penis louder and louder until someone gives up. However, lately I have found myself yelling penis in an effort not to embarrass you, but to free your mind of the black hole it’s currently residing in.

Sex is a magical and beautiful thing in a loving relationship.  I am a firm believer that once you’re committed to someone, tested and safely parenthood planned, you should consider trying every dirty thing you’ve ever felt guilty for thinking. I mean, if you can’t get down and dirty with your soul mate, that you plan to spend the rest of your rotting bodies life with, then you may want to re-think that matrimony.

Some of the silly replies on got from my interview with scandalous women, really made me think most woman are stuck in the 50’s! Apparently, they missed the bra burning times during the 60’s somewhere along their lives. Women flopping around in their baggy t-shirts like armed soldiers with their bags full of ammo spewing directly into the eyes of the unwashed masses. Did those woman risk their breasts perky futures to no avail? Only to have future more privileged generations turn their nose up at those comfortable with their own sexuality? Well, I hope those of you that have a problem with speaking publicly on sex, that you loose sleep over the fact that your grandmothers paraded around proudly hard nippled for your right to do so. For shame.

Play with life folks, no one is judging but you.

On that note: PENIS, VAGINA, NIPPLE! Eat your heats out naysayers.

Free your mind and the rest will follow!

Friends in a digital world….


My best friend and I would literally talk for 5 hours at a time when we moved away from each other. In fact, we still do! We’ve been friends since we were around 12 and sometimes I wonder if bonds like that are still possible. It seems that the older that you get and the more digital things become the weaker your bonds are to one another. Posting comments on photos and sharing inspirational quotes on Facebook seems to be the new friendship of our age. It’s totally acceptable to not even speak to your “friends” anymore. What with texting, facebook, twitter, youtube and even linkedin for professional friends, who needs talking?

I can’t help but feel like these new digital tools that were made to make it easier to interact with one another  have in fact made it that much harder to make meaningful relationships with each other. Have we all become so boring and socially awkward that we are incapable of having a phone conversation? Call me old school, but I think it’s imperative to have some kind of real life talking, seeing, feeling interaction with people. So much is taken out of context or miss-communicated in writing,  and yet we all take it as gold. Have you ever noticed your “tone” in your head as you read something? It’s actually quite a fun little game to play with yourself. As you’re reading your friends status updates, tweets or whatever listen to your inner voice and notice what kind of tone you’re using. You might think that something was quite catty when the person meant for it to be humorous. Your inner tone can really dictate the direction that you take something in writing. I’ve noticed this in my book club recently that some of the girls interpreted things totally different than I would have. It’s their inner tone shaping the way things were said by the characters, either because of their own experiences or maybe just their mood when they read it.

So, we basically form relationships with our own interpretations of someone else. We are not even giving them the chance to be authentic in an in person experience. On top of that, no one is really sharing anything real about their lives on social media. Your friend is not going to get on there and say “man I am so depressed, I cried all night and no one even knows what is going on”. Well, I guess they might, but you really wouldn’t get the full impact of what happened or how they were feeling. Your tone would take over and maybe you would think “what a baby, so annoying”. You wouldn’t hear the pain in their voice or see the desperation in their eyes. If you really stop to think about it, do you have any idea what is going on in your friends lives? Are you just basing your information on social media and your internal interpretation?

Social-Media-Ruins-Minds

Perhaps this is the new age of friendship. Maybe I am asking too much from people to build bonds with each other like that of my best friend and I.  Bonds that share deeply our feelings and experiences. Is it simply that she lived all of my life experiences with me since I was 12, or is it that we put a genuine effort into  our friendship in a way that most refuse to these days? Either way, I can’t help but feel sorry for society in general as we continue to pave the path of obsolete genuine interactions with one another. In the age of not enough time, we substitute real time and effort in our friendships with the occasional facebook interaction.

I hope that we have not become completely incapable of forming these bonds with one another.  I hope that our judgments of people based on our own interpretations of them through social media have not become our truth. I will try to check my tone at the door when facebooking, but I think that it’s a natural and very real auto pilot. I will try to separate my feelings from others perspectives, actions and situations and treat them just as that, theirs, as they really have nothing to do with me personally and all to do with that specific person and their own experiences, which are not for me to judge.  I will attempt to curb my own personal feelings towards someone else’ life. I will work towards forming friendships with people that are not limited to social media, texting and E-mail interactions and my interpretations of them based on that. People tend to “surprise the hell out of me” in the words of Vivian from Pretty Woman. If you take the time to truly get to know someone in all their faults and all their glory, I think they will surprise the hell out of you too.

Tiffany Grace: The Scandalous Sinterview


My Latest interview with Scandalous Women’s Magazine:  http://www.scandalouswomen.com/ 

She was the young girl who hated who she saw in the mirror, the awkward duckling who became the sexy confident swan. Silhouette Records recording artist Tiffany Grace knows what it’s like to be afraid. Growing up in an abusive environment, music was her filter and eventual savior. Now on the cusp of her second album and engaged to the man of her dreams, Ms. Grace is living the dream. She recently took time out from her busy schedule to discuss music, life and, of course, sex, with Scandalous!

SCANDALOUS: I see you’re getting married. Who is the lucky guy?

Tiffany Grace: We’ll just call him Mr. Devereaux.

SCANDALOUS: Sounds mysterious. How did you meet him?

Tiffany Grace: We actually met on E-harmony after I finally gave in to my mother’s relentless persistence on the matter. I was planning a 3 month trip through Europe to “find myself” and she was very apprehensive, I think she wanted me to find a “nice young man” and finally settle down in hopes I wouldn’t go on my trip. I met Mr. Devereaux the day after I called to cancel my subscription and was convinced to stay one more week. I actually did end up canceling my trip and moved in with my fiancé about 2 months after we met, it was pretty crazy.

SCANDALOUS: E-harmony should totally hire you as a spokesperson! So, how is he adapting being with someone with such an outwardly sexy image?

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Tiffany Grace: I think that he understands and appreciates my art. I’ve always had trouble with men in the past that were OK with it at first and then not so much once they saw me romping around with actor / model Jason E. Thomas in my music video Sleeping With The Enemy. My goal as an artist is to help woman embrace their sexuality within themselves and really get comfortable with their bodies and self image. If you notice, Jason and I never actually kissed or made any skin to skin contact. It may appear to have been so, but in fact it was just the illusion and I felt that made it much sexier. It was a last minute choice as Jason and I had practiced “the kiss” in the audition as a possibility. So, Mr. Devereaux didn’t come into the picture until after we shot the video and that might have helped! He sometimes doesn’t like to watch certain parts.

SCANDALOUS: You mentioned jokingly you’ve lost the most weight you ever have without sticking a finger down your throat. Do you have an eating disorder and can you offer advice to the young women reading this on such things?

Tiffany Grace: I am currently the healthiest I’ve ever been mind body and soul. I suffered from bulimia and anorexia for years after my father died. Women will describe the disorder as a sense of control and it is. I am 5’8 and I was 105 at my smallest. It was then that I was checked into the hospital and given an IV for dehydration. I gradually came to terms with my tarnished self image and slowly started the recovery process. It was painful steps that were taken to trick myself into eating properly again, smaller portions and lots of liquid fruit. This is going to sound crazy, but the best thing for young women to do would be mirror positive affirmations. Every day you look at yourself in the mirror and find one nice thing to say about your body. Start small; maybe “I have nice nails” or “I have nice hair” work up to looking at yourself naked and saying “My body is a perfect vessel.” After all, our physical forms are merely reflections of our mental state.

SCANDALOUS: Your last album, Naked Singularity, was very sexy and you seem to have projected a retro-image for yourself, one resembling the R&B divas of the 70s and 80s. Was that by design?

Tiffany Grace: Well, yes and no. I’ve always felt I was born in the wrong era and I’ve doted over artist from the 40s and 50s the most I think. I’ve always had what my mom likes to call “a wacky sense of style”. I think that the 70s and 80s part probably shines through from when I was a child. My influences are drawn from all over really and range from classical, blues and hip-hop. I’ve talked to some artist that won’t listen to any other music while in the writing and recording process. I’m exactly the opposite; I listen to everything I can get my hands on. I have an obsessive need to be different. I joke with my friends that in my world everyday is prom and god forbid I’m caught wearing the same outfit as another girl.

SCANDALOUS: Some of the music on that album sounds as though it came from a personal place, for example, Unbroken Soul. Have you ever had to escape an abusive relationship?

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Tiffany Grace: I grew up in an incredibly abusive family. All my life I resisted falling victim to the same as an adult. These things have a way of following you around when you try to suppress them instead of dealing with them head on. Abuse isn’t something that comes on right away, it’s a process that men take to slowly break you down. I was right smack in the middle of a verbally abusive relationship that gradually turned physical and ended when my EX ordered me out of his car, but purposely took off before I had fully exited, dragging me at 40 miles per hour through a graveled parking lot nearly 15 feet. Mind you, I was wearing a dress and suffered multiple wounds on my legs. I pressed charges and filed for a restraining order as all women should do. This is not a “class” issue, this happens to all women from all walks of life with varied levels of education and even privilege. It is not something to be ashamed of, it’s time to speak out on and join forces to educate on this dark matter. “Unbroken Soul” is not my favorite song, it’s written awkwardly, I’m singing while crying through most of it and it’s almost painful to listen to in many ways not just because of the content. I put it on the album despite all of this because this was my final insult. I think I knew he would hear it and that was the reason I put it on there. To say, I am not broken, you failed.

SCANDALOUS: That’s terrible. I think there are many girls who can identify with controlling boyfriends and I’m glad you took action against him. A lot of women would have been afraid to. There was also the song I Want You Both. If I interpreted the words correctly, it’s about trying to carry on a relationship with two men at once. Was this something you experienced? How did it work out?

Tiffany Grace: Who hasn’t wanted to carry on a relationship with two men at once at some point in their life? There was a time in my life when I was dating several men at once. Men do this all the time; they call it the numbers game. Only they do it in hopes that one of us will eventually sleep with them. I did it because I wanted to experience different interactions with all different kinds of men. I dated men of all kinds of nationalities, religions, wealth and walks of life. My fiance would probably wince reading that. I was young and curious, at the time I really had no idea what I wanted in a partner, so I explored. I encourage all women to go through this at some time in their lives. Give yourself options; you have to know what you don’t want to appreciate what you do when you get it. Your sexuality is your secret weapon and if you ooze sexy but hold back, you can have any one of them whenever you decide to. If you ever in fact decide to! I found once you got to know most of them, the lust wore off fast haha.

SCANDALOUS: Scandalous readers would love to know – did you have them both at the same time in the bedroom?

Tiffany Grace: Yes, if you count the fantasy that the song was written after I experienced it on my own! I never had a ménage à trois in reality, but I think I’ve always been curious about it if not brave enough the pursue it! Any girl that says it hasn’t crossed her mind is lying! The other side of the song was also referring to two men that would have been perfect if they had parts of the other. So, in a sense I literally did want them both.

SCANDALOUS: You hear stories all the time about male musicians having a virtual buffet of women groupies. Do female performers like yourself have guys falling at their feet?

Tiffany Grace: I think that men like the idea of a performer in bed, maybe it’s an ego thing. There is something very mysterious and appealing to them about women that express power and independence. On the other hand, a lot of men will try to use your art as a tool to get into your pants. They will promise you the moon and the stars. Someone once told me “never take your money outside the club, it’ll never come back”. In other words, don’t date your fans and don’t date your creative partners. To answer your questions more bluntly, you certainly have lots of opportunities. I am not sure if that’s because I’m a musician or if I’m simply put in front of men more often!

SCANDALOUS: You come across as very sexually confident. Has that always been the case? Give us a story about when you may have been a little more awkward sexually.

Tiffany Grace: I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 16, I was incredibly awkward growing up. I always joke that I’m obsessed with fashion now because when I was a kid we were too poor to buy new clothes, so now I over compensate. I was the girl that wore a t-shirt in the pool completely ashamed of my body. I actually started keeping a “boy journal” of my continuous mishaps with men over the years. I was a living breathing real life Bridget Jones. I wrote my first entry at the age of 15 and I wrote all the way up until I met my fiancé. Growing up, sex wasn’t really a loving thing; I think I felt it was more of a duty. So, I grew up kind of dreading the entire process. I think I was 22 when I finally started to come out of my shell and realize that it was meant to be pleasurable for both parties.

SCANDALOUS: What does it take for a girl like you to get her freak on?

Tiffany Grace: This is going to sound like a cop out, but I am a sucker for witty conversation. Being that I do come across very confident, I think men are a bit intimidated by that. I used to have a friend that referred to me as “a bit of a handful” when describing me to potential dates she tried to set me up on. I thought of it as a kind of game with men, and more often than not they couldn’t keep up. Sometimes, I found someone that would rise to the challenge and that was always incredibly sexy. I think like most women, I appreciate the small things. Sometimes it’s just the way that my fiancé will kiss my neck, it always gives me goosebumps and other times it’s his look from across the room that makes my knees weak.

SCANDALOUS: You’re holding back because your fiance might read this, right?

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Tiffany Grace: Well, kind of. I wasn’t sure how far to take that question, but you’re a good reporter so you didn’t let me off the hook! haha Let’s see, recently we introduced a few toys that I purchased at a little boutique in Ventura with some girlfriends from my book club. Yes, I run a book club, but we’re not your average book club. We finished reading 50 Shades Of Greyrecently which if you have not read, I highly recommend. Most of us were like rabbits after reading it, great for relationships haha! I always felt I was a little more exploratory in the bedroom, totally open to porn or handcuffs, the typical girl thing, but the book really opened a whole new world.

SCANDALOUS: Yes, it is a very good book and it was surprising American women snatched it up in the numbers they did. How did you and your club react to it?

Tiffany Grace: Well, it’s a steamy story of an innocent virgin no less that starts a relationship with an older much more sexually experienced man. I’ll be the first to admit even I didn’t know what some of the sexual devices or methods in the book were. My book club decided that we would have a get together at a local boutique to gain more knowledge on the subject. We went over everything from lube to bondage. It was really entertaining and educational! I took home the vibrating panties and a gel, I guess you’d call it masturbator, for my Fiance. He loved both of them! I think it’s important to keep things spicy. Oh, and of course I do love my little maid outfit as well! My girlfriends and I will share with each other things we’ve tried too, one of my friends said “I loved the whip we got at the boutique, you guys want to try it!?” It’s fun to keep it a light subject, sex is a beautiful thing, we shouldn’t be ashamed.

So, yeah my fiance might blush when he reads this, but then again he might mount me! A healthy relationship needs a healthy sex life. It’s true, it’s just part of the reality. Sometimes I’m even blunt with him about it, I’ll say “are we having enough sex for you?”. It’s a regular ritual for us, sure, but you know sometimes it’s good to check in. So often people do not talk about what they need/want from each other sexually. I think this is what will cause resentment and cheating, I mean if you’re not getting what you need you’re going to get it somewhere! Sex with us is amazing, I orgasm every single time, but we talk really openly about it. He’ll just ask me if I like something, or what else I might want to combine or try. I mean, how many relationships have you been in where that happens? Our chemistry in and out of bed is fantastic, largely because I think our communication is so good. Wow, I guess I did want to elaborate on that after all!

SCANDALOUS: That’s fantastic. Great advice. So, you have a new album coming out. Tell us what we can expect from it?

Tiffany Grace: On this EP, I am going to take an entirely different approach. I think that it will be a softer side that I’ve not expressed as an artist yet. I cannot escape the edge that my voice projects, but I think this will give my fans a little more insight into my world. Also, I’m going to get back to my musical spoken word a little more on this project. I didn’t include The One That Got Away on my last album as I wasn’t sure how it would be received. (You can hear and download that track free here)  The feedback I got was that fans wanted to hear more of this kind of thing, so I’m going to give it to them! Since the debut album I received lots of constructive feedback and a little bit of heart breaking feedback too! That’s how you grow as an artist, so I took that to the studio and we’ll see what kind of reaction I get.

SCANDALOUS: Thank you Tiffany and good luck with your marriage and career. We can’t wait to hear more from you.

Relationships Are Easy ? Fight Or Flight


All of my life I have been told how much “work” relationships are. That it’s constant compromise and doubts. I even once dated a guy that SWORE it was impossible to be faithful in a relationship. It wasn’t my finest moment, I’ll admit.  Actually, that moment lasted more like 4 years of constant back and forth in and out of “love”.  It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I started to revise my perspective on relationships. Up until now, everyone was right. Relationships were hard, it was constant compromise and mainly on my part. There were couples counselors, advice from peers and even older father figures in my life that tended to pipe in on the situation.

Years and  years past in this same fashion and all the while I knew that it was “worth it”. Every time, I was just sure that this one would be worth all the trouble, all the long arguments and all tears. This one I would stick it out with and eventually we’d live happily ever after. Then one day, after my last messy break up, that ended in a restraining order, it occurred to me that in fact everyone was wrong. I suddenly had this amazing epiphany that not only was everyone wrong, but they were all in with the wrong person! I’m convinced this is why our divorce rate remains so high. If you’re with the wrong person, then so are they and you’re both depriving the right person of being with either of you and therefore they are in fact also with the wrong person! I actually spoke this aloud and ran out of breath before I reached the last person. Who started this vicious rumor that then started this vicious cycle?

Could it be the religious groups with their sexual guilt and repression? Perhaps, they were all getting married to warrant sex and by then it was too late to get out. Because you know god won’t love them anymore and all that drama. Perhaps it was the psychologist conspiring against the concept of love in order to continuously be needed by those with wounded childhoods recalling having experienced first hand two people not meant for each other. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that human beings are convinced that in order to give and receive love you and they must suffer.

It’s been drilled into us so badly, that sometimes we do in fact find the right person, the yin to our yang and we begin to question it. We think to ourselves “where is the spark? Where is the excitement?” All of our romantic comedies and even the fairy tales we’ve grown up with teach us that the road to love is a long and dramatic one. That only with terrible pain and experiences will we find our happily ever after.  I like to blame all the Disney Princesses for my love mishaps.

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The truth is, relationships are actually pretty easy. They are fun and exciting even when you’re just doing the boring stuff. When you’re with the right person, they just flow naturally with all the vibrancy and energy of a perfectly working river. However, in the beginning of every relationship there is that pivotal moment of  drama. That moment that we all dread that we all create because of the crap we’ve been fed all our lives. It’s in that moment when you need to ask yourself “has it been easy so far”? I think this is the most important thing you can ask yourself honestly in this moment. When it seems everything is falling apart and the relationship could be ending, the only way to know if this is TV and society influenced necessary drama, is to ask how easy it’s been so far.

Do you struggle to find common ground? Does your sex life really suck? Do you really have to try to get through a day without arguing? It might be time to let go. Don’t be afraid of letting go. The woman down the street that’s been single for the last 10 years with 50 cats has made that choice. Maybe she picked wrong one too many times or maybe her right person is still with the wrong person. On behalf of all the crazy cat ladies and drunken fools please for the love of love, stop being with the wrong person. It just is not that hard. So, stop listening to your miserable parents or your miserable married friends and remind yourself that relationships are easy. When they are right, they are easy.

So, ask yourself….Is it time to fight or flight?

Because as it turns out, you CAN fit a round peg into a square hole, but why bother?