Deep lessons Concealed


Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it – Echart Tolle 

I try not to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I try to take deep breaths mediate and send loving energy out to the world. I try to send loving energy to those that are not giving me the same respect. I’ve learned a few hard lessons over the past few months.

1.) When your mother told you to just “ignore it” when girls at school were being catty towards you and they would stop, she lied…. it didn’t work then. It still doesn’t work.

2.) You cannot jump into a friendship as an adult the same as you could as a child. You have to ease into the process and really get to know others true colors…. or you will find them out too late. 

3.) Some girls never grow out of catty, jealousy or revenge. You have to be the bigger person, even if you draw blood biting your tongue.

4.) Sometimes being the bigger person, get’s you into more hot water. While others are busy discussing you, and you’re refusing the discuss anything, I guess it’s human nature to listen to the one talking. Even if it’s ill intended. 

5.) Those that cannot make up their own minds, will allow others to make it up for them. Even with little or no evidence of the accusations. This is why our judicial system is so broken.

6.) If someone thinks something you’ve written, said or thought is about them…….they have a guilty conscience……………(A Good friend pointed this out to me the other day, wow so true!) 

7.) It’s OK To go on a totally negative rant on your otherwise ZEN blog when you’ve reached your wits end.

8.) It’s OK to decide someone isn’t a good fit in your life. You can still pick your friends even if you can’t pick their noses. Pick carefully or you might draw blood. 

9.)  I’ve always subscribed to quietly and gracefully exiting a relationship and I still will.

10.) When you’re getting married, you should be allowed to talk about it all the time. You should be able to complain about the 18 different dresses that were all wrong and every single annoying and ridiculous detail of it. Your friends should smile and nod and smile and nod until you have no more talking about wedding in you. You should be able to have little to nothing else to talk about until it’s all said and done.  It’s a right of passage as a good friend. We all have to do it and we should all secretly love it when we truly are a good friend. 

11.) Life is busy and complicated. All the time, it’s up to you to decide what is important to take up that time.

12.) At the end of the day you still have try not to focus on the negative aspects of your life. Try to take deep breaths mediate and send loving energy out to the world. Try to send loving energy to those that are not giving you the same respect. Learn a few hard lessons over the next couple of months.

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Make Lemonade


One thing people tend to forget in life is that not everything is about them, in fact nothing is, it’s only the way you feel about it which makes you take it personally. Even the way someone is acting towards you or a current circumstance really has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with that persons own experiences and interpretations and your feelings towards the situation. Most of society has not learned the skill of controlling their emotions and are therefore are in fact controlled BY their emotions. The way that you “feel” really has very little to do with the person or situation you believe is causing you to feel that way. It’s your choice to make a situation whatever it is and you have the power to change it.

I was recently traveling in Hawaii and feeling a bit down because my Fiance had been on a business trip there that I had tagged along on. Granted, I should have been prepared to spend a significant amount of time alone due to his work responsibilities, but alas I still whined “there is nothing to do by the time you get off, we haven’t done anything!” It hit me then, that yes WE had not been able to do anything that was worthy in my opinion of a vacation adventure, but that was not his fault. I still had myself to blame for letting time pass idle. Even though truth be told most people would have been perfectly content lounging about the beautiful beach of Waikiki and here I was complaining about being lonely. By the second day, I realized how silly I had been allowing these feelings of fear and self pity overwhelm my time in this beautiful place, even alone! I decided to take matters into my own hands and ventured off by myself. I found a sailing trip for only $20 by chance and hopped on board with a boat full of strangers! A wonderful couple from Vancouver shared their beer with me and I learned so much about their lives. What an amazing thing they had done, moving all the way from Korea to Vancouver learning the language and cultural differences along the way!  Had I decided to let my emotions get the better of me I never would have had such a wonderful encounter.

I ventured off to the zoo next and was in awe of the difference in the experience of being with the animals solo. It was a week day so there were few people walking around and I had the opportunity to sit individually at each exhibit, quiet and study the animals. With no pressure to rush and no other obligations, I took advantage of my time to sit and spend significant time at each station. I saw couples and families walk by, hastily peering into the exhibit for a few minutes, shrugging at the lack of animal presence and walking away. I’d smile and chuckle to myself as the leopard would poke his head above the rock once all motion ceased on the outside. I wonder if he felt relief to be seemly alone again and had to laugh at my own resistance to that very same gift.

Leopard

I watched him for quite some time, having off and on staring contest as if trying to read the others thoughts. At one point a rather loud and rambunctious crowd drew with children and their yelling parents. The children would whistle and make loud roaring sounds towards the leopard. Slowly and reluctantly he pulled himself two by two to all four feet. He yawned and climbed onto the rock closest to the bench I perched on, now surrounded by yelling children. His face turned serious as he squatted then peered down at the children, all anxiously awaiting some remarkable act. The leopard had a bowel movement yawned and retreated back behind the rock. Wide eyed and shocked the children let out an enormous ripple of laughter as if this was some kind of deliberate comedy routine for their amusement. They trotted off happily exchanging gasp and laughter at one another.  “If a message was being sent at all”, I thought, “the joke was on them!” To me it seemed like a big “screw you for messing with my nap, take this human brats!” I let him sleep after that and moved onto the elephants.

The one afternoon that my fiance did have totally free we planned to go hiking. Based on the tip of another amazing person I met on my trip. She was a local coming home from LA and we struck up a conversation on the airplane, I was so inspired by her passions and plans for the future. She and her friend had been planning to open their own boutique in Hawaii. People that truly know their paths always fascinate me and I love learning about them. Upon walking to breakfast on this beautiful morning a sudden down pour hit and we knew hiking was too dangerous and out of the question. We talked over breakfast about all of the what if’s that could occur and decided it was too risky, but just as quickly dismissed all of those thoughts and figured even worst case wasn’t so bad. Since we were on a positive and somewhat dangerous train of thought, we decided to rent moped’s and cruise up to the hike in the rain.

Along the way, the down pour became so intense that our clothes were soaked through and we could barley see in front of us. We pulled over to the side of the road, but instead of discussing the obvious dangers and misfortunes of the weather we laughed so hard we cried. We climbed back onto the soaked leather seats and continued our trek. As it turns out, reading directions while driving a moped is not a very realistic feat. So, instead of heading to the hike suggested by my new local friend we found ourselves randomly at diamond head. Just as we made it to the top of the look out view, the rain ceased and the beautiful skies shown through. Most people would have chosen to let the rain get the better of them, they would have run back to their hotel news paper over their heads and waited it out. The fact is, a bad situation is only a bad situation if you decide that it is and allow it to be. Every moment in life, even death can be joyous and free. We all have a limited amount of time on this amazing earth in our current physical forms. It’s up to you to feel the best you can in all of those moments in your life, even the “bad” ones.  Choose to enjoy, choose to release situations that cause you grief and are out of your control, choose to be happy, choose to change, choose.

If you don’t add sugar to lemonade, it’s going to be sour.

Friends in a digital world….


My best friend and I would literally talk for 5 hours at a time when we moved away from each other. In fact, we still do! We’ve been friends since we were around 12 and sometimes I wonder if bonds like that are still possible. It seems that the older that you get and the more digital things become the weaker your bonds are to one another. Posting comments on photos and sharing inspirational quotes on Facebook seems to be the new friendship of our age. It’s totally acceptable to not even speak to your “friends” anymore. What with texting, facebook, twitter, youtube and even linkedin for professional friends, who needs talking?

I can’t help but feel like these new digital tools that were made to make it easier to interact with one another  have in fact made it that much harder to make meaningful relationships with each other. Have we all become so boring and socially awkward that we are incapable of having a phone conversation? Call me old school, but I think it’s imperative to have some kind of real life talking, seeing, feeling interaction with people. So much is taken out of context or miss-communicated in writing,  and yet we all take it as gold. Have you ever noticed your “tone” in your head as you read something? It’s actually quite a fun little game to play with yourself. As you’re reading your friends status updates, tweets or whatever listen to your inner voice and notice what kind of tone you’re using. You might think that something was quite catty when the person meant for it to be humorous. Your inner tone can really dictate the direction that you take something in writing. I’ve noticed this in my book club recently that some of the girls interpreted things totally different than I would have. It’s their inner tone shaping the way things were said by the characters, either because of their own experiences or maybe just their mood when they read it.

So, we basically form relationships with our own interpretations of someone else. We are not even giving them the chance to be authentic in an in person experience. On top of that, no one is really sharing anything real about their lives on social media. Your friend is not going to get on there and say “man I am so depressed, I cried all night and no one even knows what is going on”. Well, I guess they might, but you really wouldn’t get the full impact of what happened or how they were feeling. Your tone would take over and maybe you would think “what a baby, so annoying”. You wouldn’t hear the pain in their voice or see the desperation in their eyes. If you really stop to think about it, do you have any idea what is going on in your friends lives? Are you just basing your information on social media and your internal interpretation?

Social-Media-Ruins-Minds

Perhaps this is the new age of friendship. Maybe I am asking too much from people to build bonds with each other like that of my best friend and I.  Bonds that share deeply our feelings and experiences. Is it simply that she lived all of my life experiences with me since I was 12, or is it that we put a genuine effort into  our friendship in a way that most refuse to these days? Either way, I can’t help but feel sorry for society in general as we continue to pave the path of obsolete genuine interactions with one another. In the age of not enough time, we substitute real time and effort in our friendships with the occasional facebook interaction.

I hope that we have not become completely incapable of forming these bonds with one another.  I hope that our judgments of people based on our own interpretations of them through social media have not become our truth. I will try to check my tone at the door when facebooking, but I think that it’s a natural and very real auto pilot. I will try to separate my feelings from others perspectives, actions and situations and treat them just as that, theirs, as they really have nothing to do with me personally and all to do with that specific person and their own experiences, which are not for me to judge.  I will attempt to curb my own personal feelings towards someone else’ life. I will work towards forming friendships with people that are not limited to social media, texting and E-mail interactions and my interpretations of them based on that. People tend to “surprise the hell out of me” in the words of Vivian from Pretty Woman. If you take the time to truly get to know someone in all their faults and all their glory, I think they will surprise the hell out of you too.